“Hunting For Gnomes”

Lately I’ve been hunting for gnomes
I went out again Monday night
I brought a lantern, a fishing net
And a twelve pack of Keystone Light.
I hiked through the woods near Baby Doll Swamp
And combed the cornfields on Halloween Farm.
I woke up with a hangover
And mosquito bites all over my arm.
I overheard my wife on her cellphone
Saying something about,
‘I don’t think I can take this anymore.”
I think she was crying in the bathroom
And when she left, she slammed the door.
My daughter was standing in the hallway
I looked up and said, “Good morning, Honeybear.”
She just yelled, ‘Homewrecker”
And took off down the stairs.

Lately I’ve been hunting for gnomes
Tuesday I went to the library
To pick up some books.
When I went to the checkout line
The librarian gave me a couple funny looks.
Later that night, I grabbed a couple of beers
And went out to the garage
After everyone else went to bed.
I laid in the back seat of the car with a flashlight
And read and read and read.

Lately I've been hunting for gnomes
I've been reading about them late at night.
Now legend has it they have magical powers
That bring peace, beauty and light.
They live in backyards and gardens
Along lakes and rivers and streams
Up on mountains, down in valleys
And, I guess, you can often find them in trees.
According to one book, they are terrified
Of those ceramic lawn gnomes
That some people put in their gardens for fun.
They say whole groups of gnomes
Have dropped dead of fear
The first time they ran across one.

Lately I've been hunting for gnomes
Thursday night I went out with a baseball bat
And smashed every bloody lawn gnome
In the neighborhood.
Man, it was a full frontal atrack.
Somebody called the cops
And I spent the night laying under someone's
Boat over on Pumpkinvine Lane.
When I got home all of my clothes
Were on the sidewalk with a note
Saying, 'Have fun going insane.'

Lately I've been hunting for gnomes
I go out now almost every night.
I catch glimpses of them in flower beds
And bushes, or see their shadows
In the soft moonlight.
See behind this curtain of pain and woe
There's a world of wonder, love and wealth.
There's magic out there brothers and sisters
you just have to go find it for yourself.

Written by Rock N Roll Casey
From the album, "Party Tunes For Cosmic Rock N Rollers"
You can listen to an audio version HERE
Copyright 2009 By Casey M. Redmond

Casey's Website